There’s always that one star that shines in a thousand different colors. The one vibrant star. It’s nothing like the rest of them. One star that acts like it’s above all the other small twinkly ones. One star that the remaining ones envy much. What could go wrong for the one vibrant star? What can be hard? What not possible? What, you asked. The one vibrant star had its rough days too. The one vibrant star too had it tough sometimes. It made mistakes, it was sorry too. But the one vibrant star was only just a ‘one’ vibrant star. For the other vibrant star had left it there and gone far.
I hope you’ll be around. When things get tough and I shut myself inside my room, I hope you to be there, wherever you are. When yet another boy breaks my heart and yet another time I’m left hurting, as strange as it sound, I hope I know where you are. When seasons pass and everything grows old, I hope I know that you are well. When it’s getting dark and everything is dying, I hope you do not forget what we had. It’s painful to be so close yet so away. Well, at least now I know how well you breathe. Let it be what it is, No more, no less. Wait no, I want more! But it scares me, every bit. For are you what you were and me what I am, what choice do we have, but to be apart?
Perhaps it’s not always just about love… I mean, I have not seen two people baring with eachother just in the name of the above mentioned phenomena unless there is more to the story. There is adoration, admiration and much more to it. Sometimes we just keep them around in the fear of being alone. For loneliness is one of the scariest of feelings to be felt. Some people makes our lives easier and we let them hang around around because of it. As much as it sounds so selfish and cruel, it can occur to be one of those reasons too. I’m not speaking about those cliché moments when lovers say that their ‘love’ for this person gives them purpose or a ‘reason to live’ , but when this person gives you advices or a shoulder to lean on or even help you out in other ways during tough times, you feel for him/her and this feelings are quickly read as love. Or you feel like it’s wrong not to give them love when they have done so much for you, you try to love out of guilt. Or even, sometimes you keep that person around like an insurance policy. You know ‘just in case’ something goes wrong again. It’s quite funny how easily we’d give up on actual love for our own selfish reasons. Even though most of the time this occurs unintentional to our consciousness, but ultimately it’s about survival to us, rather than just love.
Let’s meet up.
What do you say!
To all the times we just sat there at the corner of our classroom, minding our thoughts, not uttering a single word.
To all the times we’d fight over how immature both of us were at times.
To all the times we never got to think of the coming days, so indulged in the pleasure of just being. Being together.
To all those stupid jokes you’d crack to which I’d laugh no matter what.
To that time when you held me close and I forgot to breathe(If it wasn’t for you to remind, I’d be dead then)
To all the days that followed when we couldn’t keep our hands off eachother.
To all the nights we stayed up torturing our heads, giving up sleep and to the days we slept through classes.
To all the days when we knew little that we’d give up anything of today’s to go back to. To the day’s I’d die for. To you for whom I would’ve died for.
You. Me. One more time. One last time.
What do you say?
Sadly, you’ll get tired of me someday. You’ll no longer find it cute when I get jealous or hug me tight when I cry. You’ll deny it now, I know. But trust me, I won’t be your baby then, when I cry because you raised your voice at me. I’ll just be an immature grown-up for you. Fuck ‘growing old togethe’r! I wish you last a little longer, for I’m not done being happy for a while. Sadly, it’s all just a game, for the world today is filled with hopeless brocken pieces of a puzzle never done.
What is all this?
This chaotic existence. This meaningless breaths, in and out.
I’m loosing interest. I don’t want to do this anymore.
All these people. Overcrowded paths glistening in the evening light. Many lives, many stories.
But where do I stand? What am I to you?
What am I to me?
Maybe now’s the time you give me a reason to stay. Maybe now’s when you show that you care. Is it too much to ask, when I’ve always been the one to give too much too? Is it selfish to want, when I’ve never been wanted. Let me be all that. Let me be the bad guy here. You’ll see me struggling over you. Hurting myself, crying to sleep. You might even have me begging at some point. But let me assure you, that’s about it. Thats when you lose me. Lose me for good. Guess you’ll know then. But for now, I’ll let you have the pleasure of hurting me.
Please don’t go.
I’ll be fine even without you, I know.
but I don’t want to be fine that way.
I will wake up, I will smile.
I’ll read my books, I’ll attend classes.
And when I get back home, I will tell my mom all about the day, How fun it was.
I’ll eat my food, I’ll breathe.
I’ll go to sleep. Hit repeat.
None of that is going to change if you leave. I promise.
But you won’t be there by me when it all happen. Another day.
Your ‘good morning’ texts won’t be there.
Your silly jokes to let me off a temper.
Your tired eyes to just stare at me till I stop reading and you, just you alone, there for me. Not again. Not another day.
And everything else…
Everything else will be a little bit different.
And I’m not ready for a different day.
I’m not ready for a you-less day.
This time, I’m letting you go. Happily.
This time, I’ll cry. I’ll cry till it hurts no more.
This time, I don’t expect you to stay. Nor do I want you to. Nor am I going to have you back.
This time, I’m starting fresh.
A fresh crush. A fresh love. A fresh story. A fresh ending to it. Let it be happy, let it be heartbreaking.
This time, the potential pain is not going to hold me back.
Maybe this time’s it. Maybe not.
But does that really matter?
Because I think I have all the time in the world to try again.